The catch-22 of 'Precious'

Closing out the 2009, the movie 'Precious' is all the buzz. The buzz has lead to more meaningful conversations other than the simple question of if you'll go see it. My answer is no. For two reasons: 1. the trailers broke my heart therefore I know I'm bound to leave the theater feeling like I'm rather ungrateful for my family but more importantly is reason number 2: I'm more than sick of seeing the movies about down and out, underprivileged black kids in ghettos and the white great white hope (or in this case, the light bright and two shades from white kind) stepping in and saving them from destruction.

Now don't get me wrong, I know this movie was based on the book 'Push' which was based upon the authors encounter with young women from the Bronx and Harlem back in day when she was as a literacy teacher but damn. There are truths to the things that happen to Precious in the movie, CNN is a great reminder of that. If it's not a sweet little girl being traded, raped and then murdered it's a father taking his own son's life. I don't know about you, but where I'm from when someone talks about these type of crimes, one of the first questions asked is where and what color where they. If you follow the news, you know that my examples both have black parents involved. What does that say about us, my people? Not too long ago we were rejoicing and blasting 'My President is Black' (the remix of course) but nevertheless, we have yet to get to where we truly need to be.

Back to the topic at hand though, I'm well aware by us not talking about rape, HIV, uneducated blacks in America, teen pregnancy and everything wrong with our community, that it won't make it disappear. But this movie has just added another stereotypical role to add to the list for us African American women. Had the race roles been different for this movie, 'The Blind Side', 'Radio', 'Monster's Ball', 'Training Day', do you think they would have been so 'touching'?

I for one, do not.

Why I was a fan.

I've always been a fan of Kanye's. But this past year, I've had to rethink that. And no, I'm not talking about the VMA's thing but his music. What happen to this Kanye?



I know artist (?) use their current state as their muse, but damn Kanye. I could care less about Amber Rose, her ass or your material things and what not. I'm highly disappointed in your music. The first time I heard 'Never let me down' I played it for 3 days straight. It was my soundtrack on my first day of college. That song did what music is suppose to do: stirred something positive in me. It made this college experience mean so much more to me. But I've grown tired of defending his ability as an artist. I'm so sick of having to tell people to go back to the first album. But nothing good lasts forever they say.

Right to be wrong

I know as a black woman, I'm suppose to hate to hate Chris Brown and what have you, but that doesn't mean I can't look right?

My lie.

For the last ten months I've been in a long distance relationship with a man that I've grown to truly care for. Through the course of the summer, we keep in close and daily contact. Unfortunately, his life has a long list of hardships and this pasting year was not better: he was jobless and homeless since last November. No worries. I'm not interested in his finances, I'm only twenty so marriage is very high on my day-to-day goals to accomplish, the entire Nation isn't at it's best. He was a great amount of protential. So I stuck with him, even did something that I've been for warned to never do: mix romance and finances. The reason for me offering money goes far more deeper than him simply not eating for two days but because I lied. I lied at the start. Yes, woman lie. And we lie very well for that matter.

When he was at his worst, this lie keep me from giving him what he really wanted.

Me.

So I told him. That was a little over a month ago. I tried everything to convince him that despite that unforgivable lie, I'm still the same person. Two days ago, I had a moment of clarity. This past month my mind has been on how I can get what I want.

His forgiveness.

I never really thought about how he must feel. I've complained to him more than once that I feel so stupid for giving him money, making hurtful and childish comments to my friends, getting upset when he never called, crying because he was so distant.

I did it all to myself.

He feels stupid, not me.

I thought back to all the people who've done everything but build him up and now I was one of those people. I might have been the most hurtful because he felt that he had finally someone who wasn't "playing a game", was supportive of him and his dreams, someone who returned his faith when he lost it, promised and ensured him that yes! he would successful and wasn't bound to achieve only what his mother, friends, his city and society said he could.

But, she was the worst out of all of them.

I've told him everything I've written and it was the hardest thing I've ever done because I could have never imagine that I would be the cause of someones unbearable pain. The cause of a broken heart.

He said it felt like some had died, the day after I told him.

I may not be truly aware of the extend of the pain I have caused. And my words of encouragement for him will no longer be meant for my heavy mind, but for him.

We're rebuilding.

This is how I think He feels about me at times.

James Morrison -"Broken Strings"